Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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