Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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