now i know why i became what i already was.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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