Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i will never coherently bang her
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
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