She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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