I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
