If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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