Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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