My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
