I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
