Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
