I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
