Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
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