I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
