I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
