batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
