Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
It's blow job season.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
