I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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