Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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