1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize