that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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