dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
