he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
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