im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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