So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Houston, we have a squirter
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize