Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
