They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
