"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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