you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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