Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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