And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
