my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
