Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
