he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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