then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
