those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
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