it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
