the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
