There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
