for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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