I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
