threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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