Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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