Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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