It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
