So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
