I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
This is my gift to your gina
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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