I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize