Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
