I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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