So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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