so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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