So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
