Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
