My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
