take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
