remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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