My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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