Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Randomize
