I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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