You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
