We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
