Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
its liver damage thursday
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
