honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
