My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
