...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
