Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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