We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
