then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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