i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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