I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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