I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Is it because I queefed?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
