cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
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