I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
