I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
