Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize