So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize